


Swan Song

by orphan_account



Series: Cinematics [3]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: Episode: s05e22 Swan Song, Gen, Song fic, Soulless Sam
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-03
Updated: 2019-03-03
Packaged: 2019-11-07 04:53:46
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,514
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17953961
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: Yes, the song's actually called 'Swan Song' so what better to do with it than to base it off of the episode, and what happened after?





	Swan Song

**Author's Note:**

> Italics are lyrics  
> Crossed italics simply emphasis.

_You don't even bother anymore_  
_You cut to the bone_  
_Pick up the phone_  
_To hear my swan song_

Dean was trying.  ~~ _Was_~~. He couldn't seem to anymore. He used to pretend he could have this life, one like Sam would have had, if he hadn't been dragged into this. He couldn't help blame himself for getting his brother back into this life, though it was inevitable, because of Azazel's plan.

_I'll admit I'm impressed_  
_By your vanishing act_  
_Place your bets on your best guess_  
_Of when you're coming back_

Castiel was also gone. Sure, Dean may have done everything in his power to move on from his life as a hunter, be he lost his friend in the process and was clueless to his whereabouts. He'd call Bobby every once in a while, Ben seemed to love him. 

_Draw the curtains_  
_Take the stage_  
_Smoke and mirrors underway_  
_Hold your breath here comes the turn_  
_This is where we all got burned_

One can never escape the hunting life, but this is what Sam wanted. ~~_Sam_~~ , who let himself fall, who let himself be dragged into the fiery pits that Dean himself have been to, ~~_but this time was worse_~~. Two archangels had his brother hanging by a thread, and all Dean could do was sit back and be normal, because that's what he had promised.

_Promises are broken_  
_Tell me are you happy now_  
_Drowning in the hourglass_  
_I guess our time ran out_

Sam had done this to save the world, he promised it would be worth it.  ~~ _Would I want to live_~~ , Dean had thought,  ~~ _in a world without my true family?_~~  Lisa was understanding, Ben could bring a smile to his face, but it wasn't the same. It never could be.

_You don't even bother anymore_  
_You cut to the bone_  
_Pick up the phone_  
_To hear my swan song_

On so many accounts, Dean had picked up the phone to call his brother. He knew there would be no answer, but he _~~craved~~_ to hear Sam's voice again, even if it had to be some pre-recorded message. 

_You don't even bother anymore_  
_You left me alone_  
_I'm on my own_  
_Tell me where we went wrong_

Dean imagined the kind of suffering his little bro must be feeling. He couldn't help it, the thoughts plagued his mind and all he could think of was the _~~guilt~~_. When he wasn't thinking of that, he imagined how Sam most likely felt similar to how he did now, back when the other hunter was damned to hell.  _ ~~It was still so much worse this time~~_.  

_Should I turn on the floodlights_  
_To shine in your eyes_  
_Just to get you to speak_  
_And explain why you let it die_

Dean could handle his brother attacking him, back at the field, because he felt like he deserved it. He deserved it for letting his baby brother, the boy he was supposed to-  _ ~~no~~_ , needed to protect with his life, accept Lucifer.  It may not have been Sam himself who threw hit after hit at Dean, but it would be just as well if it had been.

_This new chapter in your life_  
_Read it over once or twice_  
_Burn the pages not the bridge_  
_Sew your wounds without a stitch_

This was his new life, and he'd have to live with it. He loved Lisa and Ben, so he wouldn't want to give them up. He doesn't hate the life he has now, but it's not the life he's supposed to have. Sam was supposed to have the happy apple pie life.

_Promises are broken_  
_Tell me are you happy now_  
_Drowning in the hourglass_  
_I guess our time ran out_

Each Winchester was aware that they wouldn't live long. It's in the hunting life, you aren't suppose to expect to live long. Very few actually do. Sam had said this was what he wanted to do after Jess died; he wanted to hunt with his brother. He also said he wanted to save the world, which is what he did. However, Dean's world could not be saved, as it fell into hell with furious archangels.

_I hope you're listening_

Dean couldn't help it when he found himself praying to Castiel. It happened, almost as an instinct, to call out to his angel. He sometimes wondered how much Ben might confuse and amuse Cas, while Lisa would discuss life with him and explain the little things people don't think to ask. 

_You don't even bother anymore_  
_You cut to the bone_  
_Pick up the phone_  
_To hear my swan song_

Dean was trying until he ~~_couldn’t_~~. He was trying to ignore the guilt that built up inside him, knowing he could’ve been saving people and didn’t. He eventually stopped sending Cas prayers. He only answered the calls from Bobby now, no longer going out of his way to call his father figure.

_You don't even bother anymore_  
_You left me alone_  
_I'm on my own_

Unbeknownst to Dean ~~_at the time_~~ , Sam was still out there. Sam was hunting, brutally, and doing things that were beyond his normal limits. He left Dean where he was, left without a second thought.

_Tell me where we went wrong_  
_Tell me where we all went wrong_  
_Tell me where, tell me where_

Dean had no idea how he was supposed to feel, his mind in knots from being poisoned, yet Sam was _~~really there~~_. Relieved, all kinds of relieved, but it was wrong. Yes, Sam had been to hell, but this wasn’t his baby brother that he was talking to. What had gone wrong, what had Dean done to make Sam think it would be ok to leave him for a year, left with the thoughts that were slowly killing him?

_Abandon the people who shaped who you are_  
_Selfish and thoughtless, you drown in the dark_  
_I hope that you realize the damage you've done_  
_You could not see light even staring at the sun_

Sam didn’t care. He _~~couldn’t~~_ care, apparently. He was soulless, and everything was a lie. Any joy he may have shown when meeting with his older brother again, it was fake. He didn’t care when Dean was abducted, he didn’t care when he had to kill someone, even if there was a choice, he didn’t care that being ‘a better hunter’ was only getting more innocent people killed in the process. Hell, he didn’t even care enough to want his soul back.

_Promises are broken_  
_Tell me are you happy now_  
_Drowning in the hourglass_

~~_Turns out,_~~  not getting his soul back was the only thing Sam could pretend to care about anymore. He claimed that, as he is, if he could feel, he would be happy with the progress he was making in the ‘family business’. Dean would only snap when that was the excuse, exclaimed that was the point; he couldn’t feel and would never know what happiness was like.

_I guess our time ran out_  
_You don't even bother anymore_  
_You cut to the bone_

Bobby wasn’t happy with it. Castiel wasn’t. Of course, Dean suffered the most. His baby brother was gone, ~~_his real brother._~~ It was still his fault, he’d ~~_always_~~ blame himself. He let Sam agree, but he was the one to start it. He broke the first seal, and sent them all spiraling downwards into disaster.

_Pick up the phone_  
_To hear my swan song_

Sam dealt with Dean screaming at him, because ~~_what else could he do_~~? He dealt with all the yelling about caring, but he never could manage to do that; to care. He was just a machine on a duty, it seemed. He couldn’t even be considered human to most.

_You don't even bother anymore_  
_You left me alone_  
_I'm on my own_

Dean just wanted his brother back. He wanted the boy that he helped to raise, the one that could exasperate him to no end yet could make him smile.

_Tell me where we went wrong_

Death got involved. Dean’s fault, ~~_of course_~~. Neither Cas nor Sam himself believed it could end well, but the real Sam was strong, he always pulled through. That’s what Dean had to believe.

_Tell me where we went wrong_

The lone soul was scarred beyond repair, according to the two beings that could actually see it. ‘ _ ~~It’s a bad idea~~_ ’ they’d warn. ‘ ~~ _He may not wake up_~~ ’ they’d seem to taunt. Dean ignored them, he wanted- needed to believe otherwise.

_Tell me where we went wrong_

Dean drank, like always, as he sat with Bobby. Footsteps were heard, but Dean couldn’t accept it at first. Things just went well for him, ~~_for once_~~. Sam stood, gazing upon the two drinking men, as if trying to see if they were real; as if he weren’t the one beyond expectations in the moment.

_You don't even bother anymore._

Sam didn’t bother to be anything other than happy in that moment, enveloping his family in hugs, making sure they were really there.

**Author's Note:**

> "Now I know there's no one I can trust  
> I used to think there was  
> Tell me that I'm cutthroat  
> I think you got your eyes closed  
> Feel the fear and swallow back the tears  
> Let weakness disappear  
> There's nobody but me here  
> The killer in the mirror"
> 
> ~Set It Off  
> ('Killer In The Mirror' from the album 'Midnight')


End file.
